Friday, January 4, 2008

Loneliness? (Originally Posted on Myspace 11/15/07)

In reality, I wonder if loneliness is really a feasbile option for me these days. I work Monday thru Thursday, from 7:30-5:30, and Fridays from 8:00-12:00. After I get off work at 5:30 those 4 days a week, I head straight over to the post office and check our mail. Then off to the house and get our boys out of their kennels (I also go home from 12:00-1:00 to see them and allow them a potty & play break too). Then (on Mondays and Wednesdays) we run outside and potty then play a little bit, and then load up for a "Car Ride" to go get Jordan from school. After we pick him up, it's off to the house for dinner, tv, studying, playing, relaxing etc. -On Tuesdays Jordan gets out of school at 5:50, so I go from work to the post office and then straight to school to get him, then we're off to the house. On Thursdays, I usually see Jordan when I go home for lunch, then take him to work. He works from 2-6, so most times I'll go home and get the boys first too. Fridays, Jordan works in the morning so he has the rest of the day free with me. -We've fallen into a bad habit of taking naps on Fridays, so in case you're calling me on a Friday afternoon and I don't answer, that's what's up. :) Saturdays and Sundays we spend together, typically at the house. Sometimes Jordan needs some time to write a paper during those times, but is 98% of the time at home when he does this.

So, why is it that I tell you all this (and with a title of loneliness)????? Even though I'm only ALL BY MYSELF for about 45 minutes a day (which mostly encompasses my driving to and from work), I still feel lonely. Mostly for Idaho, and everything and everyone that's in it. For all my friends, long-time and newly made before we moved. For those I went to school with that I was just a casual 'hello' in the hall & would occasionally see on my trips home to Parma. For all of those extended family members that I didn't see but a couple times a year (at best), and for my siblings, that sadly, some I would see once a year at best, and others I used to see every weekend. For the times when I was 7 years old, with a minivan full of 7 kids and 2 parents, jammed for the trip to Farmington, UT to go to the Lagoon so we could run and play and be hot and sticky, whiney, dirty, tired and cranky. I think I'm just lonely for everything I've known, for the things I took for granted, and for the things that I can't do now without two $500 plane tickets and A LOT of planning and juggling.

1 comment:

Melissa & Jeremy said...

Ashlea, sad post. Sorry you're lonely. I know this feeling. I had it in California all the time. It's hard to explain and justify but it's there and very real. So sorry; give me a call if you want and we can chat. Sorry I'm not checking and commenting more often. Lots of love from Utah. -Melissa